Speed Reading and the Elixir of Life

As the pile of unread books gets higher, and the available number of years left to read them inevitably gets shorter, I have decided speed reading is the way forward. Well, laugh not, Gordon Brown does it and look how successful he is. The plan is this. if I manage to acquire the art of speed reading I could become the least popular Prime Minister Britain has known since Neville Chamberlain. But I cast that lofty ambition aside for the moment.

I googled speed reading and came across several websites - all of which seem to be aimed at company delegates or others in a commercial environment who need to read long documents full of facts. One of the hints given was 'know what information you need to get out of the document before you start reading'. If you're into Key Performance Indicators in a Study of the Environmental Sustainability of the Mating Habits of the Polynesian Hermit Crab. Fine!

I'm not sure if this is a transferable skill when it comes to Shakespeare, Homer and Tolstoy. Ah well, if unable to speed my way through the entire contents of the British Library, perhaps I can elongate the number of years I have available by finding the philosopher's stone, elixir of life, etc. In fact I think - yes, I had a recipe somewhere. Ah, here it is:

Take radish, sorrel, hillwort, hazel, springwort, hops, yarrow, henbane, a twist of crabapple bark, wax, eggshell, blackberry juice, vodka, mulled wine, goat grease, hart's grease, the marrow of an old ox (very old - the older the better) melt and boil it all together adding liberal quantities of pounded waybread, lupins and hedge clippings. Oh, nearly forgot the feverfew. There, mush it all round, trying to ignore the colour and the smell. Then at the llth hour remember that good books are the elixir of life.

Breathe a huge sigh of relief. Bin the mush. Settle down and plod way through the next few pages.... Only two hundred billion left to go!